i need to get out of this job and gibs finally got fired. she was working downstairs somewhere but she quit there as well.. so i havent seen her.. she broke up with her latest boyfriend recently. i think its been a bit shit for her. today was one of the shittest days of my life.. i wont go into it.. but my parents officially know every single tiny isty bitsy detail about me.. which makes me feel so vulnerable and completely exposed (i feel like ive said this to you before). so that whole event today (parents finding out yet even more shit about me) resulted in me coming home early from the farm - missing out on the new years celebration of my life.. so im cut up.. pissed off .. and kinda depressed. meh dude...i think ill be seeing someone soon. like.. doctor.. whooo.. im going to think of it as a good thing though i can predict there will be wailing and tears and snotty noses and screaming fits (maybe no screaming fits) but hmm.. thats what you get for bottling that shit up for so long. pretty sure my parents have no fucking clue how to deal with me... tell me is that a good or bad thing? fuck my new years is going to suck. i have 30 minutes to decide if i wanna go to a lame party... its shit because i could have been at liam's lush green farm (seriously the air up there is so clear, you actually notice the difference between the quality of city and country air when you breathe) surrounded by cows mooing gently, watching the sun set and drinking beer. then at 12 head up to the hill sipping pina colattas (cant spell) to sit and watch the fireworks laughing like the happy drunks that we are (or would have been) before running down to the shed to sit by the fire and toast marshmellows and burn playing cards. ho hum. i love that my friend reads self help books. and that you admit it.

so he fucked up. hmm.. my friend, self help book person, says her love life is fucked but her lovelife is really quite complicated.. so im suggesting you stick to this simple rule. LISTEN TO YOUR VAGINA! thats the best advice i have. and we dont want your vagina to get really really really depressed because it might develop a tumour or something and turn into a penis. that would suck. literally. lol no really. i have no idea what to say.. because in the 'lovelife' area we are fairly different (i think). but hey.. do you what you do because .. thats easiest.. and everyone loves you the way you are (sorry for the cliche) and ... brb ..pizza.. and i really need to think about what im trying to say hear.. because i sound like a drunken uncle recovering from a nasty divorce trying to give advice to his 8 year old niece about gay sex positions... so i will return.. back.. now.. i reckon.. just go with it.. easy come easy go...yeah.. im no pro on the topic so ill leave it at that..

im feeling pretty screwed up but i can tell you that i feel a shit load better knowing that i have at least one dependable friend who i can count on and talk to (jemma and i had a fight about my depression or something pathetic that wasnt even worth mentioning .. it brings everyone down and as far as i can see.. its pointless to talk about something that isnt going to change .. within the near future (or maybe it will )).