yet another issue
fred - okay so this is just quick.....see this guy one day and im like hmm..whatever, pretty weird looking but cute, something sexy bout him....didnt really care. anywyas, one night he comes out and we start talking and ohmigawd, we just really connected. like everyone thinks he's prety rude but he's just quiet and shy. anyways, this goes on for weeks, we'd just talked and go on for ages, but never kissed. along the way, he'd gotten into fights for me and we'd dance and have a generally great time. ( i mean how long have i been in teh country for? since november and finaly hook up with on new years) then one night he tried to kiss me and im like nah. so next time i see him he's got a hickey on his neck. and im like thinking this is why i didn't get with u if u screwed me over. and he did. but the thing is....um...i kinda hooked up with u kno who so its pretty hypocritical. but then on friday night he's like 'im so sorry i did that. if i could take it back i would. i really like you. i think your amazing. i dont even know why i feel this way when we haven't even done anything. if i could ever choose between you adn ths other chick id pick you. i was so drunk and i haven't sen her since, i dont want to.' and the thing is, i do believe him. like it's not sexual motivation, and i know he does feel for me, i can see it when he looks at me. i know he doesn't want to go to le bar, he wants to hit trumours, but only does to see me. and so i say 'its all good. i hooked up with someone else too.' and shit, i felt so bad when i saw his face. man, he just looked so upset. so sad....and i was like 'im so sorry.' and then he goes all quiet and then goes off, saying he didn't mean what he said and he wouldn't do anything with me, etc. and shit, i know he's lying. its actually weird to know that about someone u barely even know but u really do know. and so im like 'fine, dont talk 2 me again.' and i do mean it.
all of this happened at bloody hervey bay yet again. honestly that place! he was staying at Susan River Homestead and i was moving from accomodation to accomodation as I was with the travel agent. this is not the point, im talking about fred here.
im not wasting my time on his immaturity. like he's 17, he's got nothing -no car, no money, a real bush kanaka, wears the same shit all the time. but put aside that superficial shit adn i feel for him. and i walk off, and he's like 'oh shit, im sorry. please dance with me. at least be friends with me.' and i just keep going, feeling like a fool, really doubting his feelings for me now, but im easy, i just leave. have teh best night 2. and next night i see him and lets say we talked for so long.....he was just like ' i was so pissed off u got with some other guy' and the rest is pretty intimate and personal, really deep shit so i wont get into that. and i finally gave hiim my number coz i never wanted to, adn he says he'll call. and i know he wont. coz he'll be 2 scared and he's like me, hates that shit. so he gets paul to call me. but at the same time, im like have teh decency and courage to do that. and then i go out to new years and get with how many people and then with fred (who shaved his head and looks weird). hope he never finds out. but he's leaving 2 tanna today so i dont think i'll ever see him again. it was good fun and thats all tha tmatters.